Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it glows. i had to have it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
