it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then my night got REAL pukey
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