the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
