Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
