It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
