4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
