I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
