He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this will be a night to untag.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize