Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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