I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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