sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
