I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
