Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize