it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
