why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize