If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
