We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize