i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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