fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
