If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
