you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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