just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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