Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
