wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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