is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
