Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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