Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
