It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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