the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize