so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
