come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
