Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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