He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
