Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
