Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
