his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
