I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
