look no pants
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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