No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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