I have demons in me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize