I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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