Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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