even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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