I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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