The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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