i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so let's talk penis.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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