If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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