turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
