I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize