she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
