Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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