i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
