You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
