i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
