I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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