u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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