three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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