I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
