I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
