I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
