the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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