I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
