my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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