the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize