Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
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