We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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