Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
