you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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