i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
