I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
