9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
