the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't deserve a penis
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
