i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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