Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
