I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
